I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
