i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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