Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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