there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
