marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It's blow job season.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
