I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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