Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
