She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
