do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
