I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
