I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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