I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
