Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
