you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
