I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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