I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
