is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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