just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
