Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
