At least make sure they are 18
Why
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
