So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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