I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
