dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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