did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
