yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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