We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize