I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
