theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
