I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
