Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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