every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
