And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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