I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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