call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
