Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
