Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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