She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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