i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
