I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
