is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
