but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
