Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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