why didn't you poke me back
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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