so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
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The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
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I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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