this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
