I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
