it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
If I had your ass I would rule the world
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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