hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
