I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You ate ashes out of my bong
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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