did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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