I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
