not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
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