He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize
