I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
i believe in u and ur pee
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
