ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
