she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Found the puke drawer
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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