I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
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ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
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I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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